Should I have taken his hand? In spite of everything, who I am, where I’m from? No. Certainly not.
But all the same, I can't deny that he attracts me ...
The Dark Side…
I am no one.
He is now the Supreme Leader of the First Order and all the peoples who live under the power of the new Empire bow down to him. That is what it means to most people in the galaxy.
But that is not all.
To my mentor, Leia Organa, he is the cursed son, the patricidal child once called Ben Solo. He is the one she still blames herself for having lost.
To my master, Luke Skywalker, he was the irreparable mistake, the lost padawan, the one who fell to the Dark Side of the Force.
To me, he's just Ben.
I wish he was only Ben. But I can't forget his allegiance to the Sith, to the dark side.
Ben is dying, buried under the power of Kylo Ren.
Supreme Leader Kylo Ren….
The embodiment of evil, the dictator whom I fight with all my strength and will.
He who aims to deprive the galaxy of its freedom.
I know, it’s bad, harmful, dangerous, but ... I can’t help but be drawn to him.
General Organa drags me out of the doldrums of my dark thoughts.
"Why such a long face?"
Her question left me confused for a few moments.
Does she not realize that all is lost? Master Skywalker, her brother, is no more. The last Jedi is dead.
What hope do we have left now?
"You, Rey. You are our last hope,” she said, smiling gently.
Me? Impossible! I don't have the training, I don't have any mastery over the Force. I am barely at the beginning of my apprenticeship and far from matching the power of a true Jedi Master.
Besides, now that he has left us, I have nothing but dusty books to guide me and not a single Jedi left to teach me.
"I'll pick up where Luke left off," says Leia, a barely noticeable crack in her voice when pronouncing the name of her late brother.
“What do you think I spent all these years of peace, Rey? I trained. Anakin, my father, had restored balance in the Force, but like Luke, I always knew that dark days could rise from the ashes. Light is inseparable from Darkness. I only wish Ben was not responsible for this chaos” she said, her face marred with sorrow.
Well ... Everything brings me back to him.
I hate him for the harm he has done, that he still does. For the pain he inflicts on his own mother. How can he throw away everything his parents have always fought for? Freedom is the spearhead of the Skywalkers, he should have fought alongside his uncle against the First Order instead of being the pawn. How can he deny the heritage of his blood so? He doesn't know how lucky he is to have such a family. He is the descendant of an illustrious line and he disgraced the sacrifices of his grandfather and his parents for his pitiful thirst for power.
"Where are we going General?”
“On Dagobah. We will be safe there. "
Poe was confused "Dagobah? You’re sure ? "
The general’s glances at me, "Sure. This is the best option available to us. "
Without another word, she walks away with a confident stride in her step, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
"What a woman," Poe mutters under his breath, slightly in awe.
I agree with him, I have never met someone with such strength of character and that only exacerbates my anxiety on not being able to live up to her expectations.
C3PO walks past me, wringing his metal hands.
"Master Luke has left us, what are we going to do without him? Mistress Rey? "
I take a few seconds to realize that it is addressed to me. Mistress ? I'm not used to being called that, and I doubt I deserve it. For now, I'm just a padawan.
“We will fight, C3PO and defend what is dear to us."
I hope I have put enough conviction into my answer, even if I am not sure that I live up to Leia's expectations, I do not want my friends to doubt me.
The General is right, for now, we need to believe that there is still a ray of hope. Without that, the death of Master Skywalker will have been in vain and I refuse that this is the case.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Leia's approving look and it warms my heart, chasing the dark. For her, I would strive to be up to par. It is out of the question to disappoint her. She lost too much, sacrificed too much for me to give up.
Swamps, still swamps covered with thick mist, through which I can barely see, surround me. In the distance, Finn is probably waving my hand to encourage me. I smiled back at him, my heart tight. In my friend's gaze, there is more hope than I can bear.
"Again Rey! Concentrate, let the Force guide you, I know you can do it, it is your doubts and your fear that hold you back. "
I fall heavily on the ground, annoyed. Despite Master Leia's encouragement, I can't levitate for more than a few minutes, when wielding a lightsaber with enough efficiency to fend for myself against Kylo Ren.
Suddenly, I am overcome with an uneasiness.
"So, you still want to fight me?" At least you realize that you are not up to the task. However, it would have been enough for you to take my hand to accomplish all that you dream of and more… ”
Kylo Ren's voice creeps so deep into me that I jump before getting up, disoriented.
" Where are you?”
“The real question is: where are you,? Show me your hiding place… ”
By reflex, I close my eyes while trying to repel his insidious presence.
"Resistance?" Kylo Ren has fun. Don't worry, little scavenger, I'll find you. Your lousy cover-up efforts won't last long against the power of the Sith . "
I grit my teeth and open my eyes. There I see it.
He is in what appears to be a vessel of the Order. Entirely in black, dressed in just a touch of blood red, his dark pupils dart straight into mine. For a moment, my heart capsizes. He looks so alone ... So powerful, unforgiving, but so sad ...
"Rey! Master Organa, what’s happening to her?"
Finn's voice reaches me, like coming from the other end of the galaxy but I cling to my connection with Kylo.
" So, Leia resumes your training... The padawan of a padawan ... Laughable.”
“It's your mother, how can you be so presumptuous? She is good, generous and she knows the true value of things. You are wrong to disregard her teachings.”
“Her teachings? Leia never bothered to teach me anything. She was too busy pursuing her ridiculous crusade… Instead she preferred to exile me to her fanatic brother . "
Such sorrow, such resentment and loneliness. Poor Ben ... Through our bond, sense his distress. I can't help but understand it…understand him.
Who else can know what is the pain caused by the absence of a father and a mother?
"I forbid you to complain! Your pity, your miserable compassion makes me sick. Your pseudo empathy is only an illusion caused by your weakness. I don't need her. I am Kylo Ren, I am powerful. I have nothing in common with a miserable plunderer of wrecks . "
I feel him withdraw from my mind abruptly.
"Hold on ! Please, stay! it's not too late to follow the right path! "
Only the echo of my voice answered me. He left. I am cold, as it’s if his departure had blown an icy wind on me. I bring my arms around my body and drop onto the damp soil of the Dagobah marshes.
I open my eyes. The worried faces of Poe, Finn and Rose are leaning over me. In the background come the lamentations of C3PO.
"Oh dear, oh dear, this is not good ... Master Luke should be there ..."
R2 chirped in response.
"But no, R2D2, I'm not being dramatic. "
Finn takes my hands in his.
"Rey? Is everything alright ? You lost consciousness suddenly, we were worried. "
Instinctively, I slip out of his embrace, which forces him to remain silent as sadness spreads across his features. I didn't want to upset him or even hurt him. It's just that after what I just shared with Kylo, the contact of another person is unbearable to me.
"What happened ? "
General Organa. I cannot avoid her inquisitive look. No one can, and I don't want to.
"Kylo Ren", I croak, sounding miserable to even my ears.
The General's dark eyes light up for a moment before she resumes her mask of stoicism.
"Does he know where we are?"
“No, I do not think so.”
“Good. What did he want? What did he say? "
How can I tell her what I didn't know myself? How to repeat his hurtful words, his lack of remorse? Leia may be our General and my Master, she is also his mother. I omit a part of the truth, saying instead:
" I do not know. As for what he told me ... Nothing more than threats. "
A worried look graces her face. She doesn't believe me, I feel it. However, she plasters on a forced smile.
"Very good, as long as he doesn't know where we are… You managed to climb over 20 meters and stay there, Rey. I knew you would be able to do it. Well done, you are progressing quickly and well in your training. "
Twenty meters? It is more than I have ever achieved. However, in spite of the pride displayed by Master Organa, I can’t help but feel perturbed, which, I suspect, is a sentiment she shares.
To what extent is this sudden accomplishment linked to my connection with Kylo Ren?